Royal Bonds
by moonlitsuicidex
Summary: Eridan is just starting his freshman year of college when he finds out he's rooming with Sollux. After running into Feferi, his best friend from when they were kids and long time flush crush, they become inseparable. Problem is, Feferi is dating Sollux. What could possibly go wrong? Trigger Warning: Violence, Language, Self Injury, Suicidal Thoughts and Actions, Alcoholism, Smut.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: As much as I hate reading love triangles other people love them so BAM here we are. It turns out writing them are kinda fun. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

I walked into my dorm to see the last person I would want to see.

"Sol," I said curtly.

He looked up, "Oh great it's fishdick."

I groaned, it was going to be a long year.

A few hours later I was sitting in the dining commons by myself. Classes started tomorrow so I didn't have anything to do yet.

I looked up from the salad I was eating to see her. Feferi Pexies.

I haven't seen her since sophomore year in high school, and oh my cod the years have been good to her. Her hair was long and wavy, her skin was a gorgeous olive color, and her clothes hung on her in a way that could make any man drool.

She turned and saw me staring. She waved and walked over, "Hey there Erifin!"

I nodded at her, "Hello Feferi, it's been awhile."

"It really has been awhile! How have you been?" She sat next to me at the table.

"I'v-ve been alright. W-What about you?" I slammed my jaw shut when I realized that I was stuttering, which I only did when I was nervous or angry.

She laughed a bit, "I'm doing pretty good. I see you still stutter when you're nervous what's got you nervous?"

I felt my face heat up, "Oh, uh, it's nothin'."

She smiled, "Don't tell me you still get nervous around me, it's been years!"

I shrugged and looked away from her sea green eyes.

She laughed again, "Come on, it's just me. Your best friend from when we were kids."

We had been best friends as kids, but we had drifted in high school after it became apparent that I was blatantly in love with her, and she didn't reciprocate the feelings. She ended up with Sollux not too long after she found out, and I cut contact with her because I was unable to bear to see her with him.

"I know-w. How-w are you and Sol?" I really needed to control this stutter better.

"We're doing alright, we survived my move! It was kinda his idea to come here when I got accepted," I knew she was smiling without even looking at her.

"That's cool," I sighed. "He's my roommate you know-w."

"Really!?" she squeaked. "That's great! Now I can visit you both at the time!"

I shrugged, "I'm probably gonna request a room change though, you know-w I can't stand him."

I looked back at her as her face fell, "Oh… I guess I forgot that you guys don't get along."

I frowned, "If you w-want me to stay in a room w-with him I can."

She shook her head, "I don't wanna hear about you guys fighting all the time, but I would like it if you guys could work things out and be civil with each other."

I nodded, "I'm w-willing ta be diplomatic, but I hav-ve no promises on his part."

Her smile returned, "I'll talk to him!"

I smiled sadly, the reason we hated each other so much was because of her. We both loved her, and that was the problem. He has her, and I would never have her. I had accepted that long ago, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

We finished eating and started walking back toward Sollux and I's dorm.

When we got there I opened the door to find Sollux laying on his bed reading one of his computer science books.

Feferi rushed past me and jumped on him, in which he screamed in surprise before rolling onto his back to hug her. I averted my eyes to avoid scowling in disgust at their reunion.

I heard them kiss and Feferi roll off him and sit on the side of the bed, "You can come in you know Erifin instead of standing in the doorway."

I looked back over to see Sol with his arm wrapped around her waist and a cocky look on his face. I scowled uncontrollably and walked over and laid down on my bed.

I heard Feferi sigh, "I hope you guys will be able to set aside your differences and be at least frondly with each other."

I didn't say anything and just stared at the ceiling.

"I have no problems with fishdick over there, its him who is a jealous prick," Sollux lisped.

I snapped my head to the side to look at him, scowling, "I haven't said a w-word ta you in tw-wo years about it so shut the fuck up."

"Both of you stop!" Feferi pleaded. "Erifin is right you haven't told me anyfin about him even speaking to you in the last two years."

Sollux grumbled something I didn't hear and I heard Fef kiss his face.

"I swear to cod if I have to listen ta you two I'm gonna throw up." I mumbled.

"What was that Erifin?" Feferi asked.

"Nothin'," I said a little louder.

"Probably just him being all oh woe is me," Sollux said.

"Shut up Sol."

"Both of you!"

I turned to scowl at him and he scowled right back. Feferi sighed.

It was going to be a long year.

~====3====~

A couple days later I was laying in my room with Feferi and Sollux and, like they had been in high school pressed up against the lockers, they were making out. With me in the room.

I groaned and rolled onto my side to face them, "I swear I'm gonna vomit if you guys don't stop. Could you at least do that while I'm you know not in the room?"

Fef giggled and Sol groaned, "Leave us alone you insufferable prick."

"Oh I'm sorry, did I disturb your time eatin' my best friend's face?" I rolled my eyes.

Feferi laughed, "So I'm your best friend again? That makes me really happy Erifin!"

I smiled at her, "Of course."

Fef and I had several classes together since we had the same major, Marine Biology, so when she wasn't with Sollux she was with me. Which was almost more than she was with Sol.

She smiled brightly, climbed off Sol's bed and tackle hugged me. We both fell over laughing until my arm hit my laptop and I cried out in pain. Shit.

Fef sat up in alarm, "What? What's wrong?"

I gingerly lifted my arm, "Hit a pressure point."

She frowned, turned to Sol to ask him to leave for a moment, and after he grudgingly complied she grabbed my wrist (which caused me to cry out again) and pulled my sleeve up.

Scars lined my forearm for her to see except for the ones under a bloodied bandage that covered most of the underside of my arm.

Her eyes visibly watered, "I thought you had stopped… You told me sophomore year that you had stopped…"

I couldn't look at her, "I did. For 6 months I did. After that…" my voice trailed off.

She cradled my arm, "What made you start again?"

When I didn't say anything she pulled me into a hug, "Please don't do that anymore…"

I tensed, I could barely go a day without let alone stop completely.

"Feferi, I can try but I make no promises. It's worse than when we were younger…"

"What made it worse please tell me Eridan…"

I didn't answer again. I didn't want to tell her, it was bad enough the fact she saw made her this sad. Knowing the reason would make it worse.

"Please Eridan," she turned my head so I was facing her.

Her eyes were red and she was already crying. I couldn't make it worse… I just couldn't.

"I don't wanna upset you further…" I mumbled.

"I don't care just tell me," she sniffed.

My lip quivered, shit no I was not gonna cry. Not right now.

"It's not important, it's rather silly actually…" I started. "It's just self loathing mostly. Not feeling good enough and so on. Losing my best friend didn't help. You know you were all I had, but it's not your fault…"

A look of utter sorrow crossed her face and she burst into a sob, in which Sol swung open the door and rushed in. I barely pulled my sleeve down in time. He had no right to know.

"What the hell did you do!?" Sollux yelled.

"Nothing you need ta know about!" I snapped back, trying to disguise the guilt that was churning through my chest.

Feferi shook her head, "It's not your place to know Sollux, it has to do with Erifin and if he doesn't want you to know then you're not gonna know."

Sollux looked shocked at first, and then a little hurt. Good.

"Alright… if you say so FF."

"Could you wait outside till I tell you to come in?" she sniffed.

He nodded slowly after a moment and left.

She pulled me into a hug, apologizing over and over until I pulled back and said, "It's not your fault Fef I told you that. Your mom got a new job that's out of your control."

"But you know I got distant before that, which was mostly for Sollux's benefit. He didn't want me around you, so I wasn't… Even though you had no one else. Then you stopped talking to me altogether and avoided me."

I didn't want to bring that up, but she did anyway. That was what killed me the most was having to cut contact and her being distant.

I looked away again, "You know I didn't really have a choice with that."

"I guess you didn't."

She was still hugging me, and she was still crying.

"Please just promise me you'll try to stop okay?" she sniffled.

"I can try, but I can't promise anything besides that."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

That promise didn't last long.

I really tried, I really did.

After Feferi left that night, I walked out of the bathroom and met a fist to my face.

I spun and my head hit the doorframe, "What the fuck Sol!?"

"That was for making FF cry."

I growled, "You don't think that I don't feel guilty for that do you?"

"Of course not you're a selfish bastard who only cares about himself," he growled in return.

I swung my fist and it connected with his jaw. He staggered back before coming back swinging.

We fought for a good few minutes before his phone started to right. Probably Fef.

He gave me a hard look, "Next time I'll just slam your head into a wall and knock you out."

I flipped him off and walked out of the room, down the hall, and into the lounge.

The next day when we went to the dining commons to meet with Fef, he shoved me against a fence and growled, "I don't know what's going on between you two, but I swear you hurt her again and I'll end you."

"What the fuck did I do now?"

"She keeps asking how you're doing and she gets all sad whenever she asks. I don't know what happened, but I swear to god Eridan," he never stopped growling.

I shoved him off me and we kept on walking to the dining commons. When we got there Feferi took a look at each of us and covered her mouth in horror, "What the shell happened to you two!?"

"Sol here punched me in the face. I wasn't exactly goin' to let him do that without a fight," I growled.

She narrowed her eyes at us both, "What did I say about you two fighting?"

We both grumbled about how we weren't supposed to.

"Exactly. Now at least try to play nice."

I sighed and he groaned before we put our stuff down and the three of us went to get food.

Later that evening we were all sitting in Sol and my dorm, and once again they were making out while I was in the room. I was washing the makeup I coated my face with to hide the bruises that I had put on after breakfast off when I started hearing Sol grunt and groan.

"PLEASE wait till I leave if you're gonna do stuff like that guys!" I yelled in horror from the bathroom.

Both of them started laughing and Fef called out, "He's being theatrical, we're actually not doing anyfin."

I groaned in irritation and continued washing my makeup off. Sol really had no respect for me. Being a high class gentleman, I attempted to show him at least some respect. Even if he didn't deserve it.

Unless he was trying to beat my face in, then I will show him no respect.

I stepped out of the bathroom to find them tangled up on Sollux's bed. Feferi looked up and gasped.

"Really my face is not that bad Fef, it's quite great actually when it's not half purple and red."

Sollux rolled his eyes and Feferi laughed, "I know you're face is pretty great Erifin, but that really looks like it hurts."

Sol made a jealous noise and Feferi rolled her eyes.

"I can tolerate pain Fef you know this."

Sadness clouded her eyes and I immediately wished I hadn't said that.

"Are you two ever going to tell me what's going on?" Sollux groaned.

"Not your business Sol," I snapped at him.

Fef sighed, "He's my best friend Sol, nothing's going on. I'm pretty sure that's what you think is going on, and it's not."

That shouldn't have bothered me, seeing as it was the truth, but knowing that she would never, ever, see me the same way that she saw Sollux made fragments of my broken heart stab against the walls of my chest. It hurt, but I wasn't going to let that show.

"I'm gonna take a shower guys, don't go fuckin' each other while I'm in there I don't wanna hear anythin'"

They both nodded and I dug through my dresser for clothes, and something else. It was buried in my top drawer so no one would find it.

I found it, wrapped it in my clothes, and went into the bathroom.

So much for that promise I made… I thought angrily to myself. I lasted barely a day, just like I thought I would.

I unbandaged my arm and buried the gauze in the bottom of the trash. I stepped into the shower, which was much too hot for my taste but I didn't care. I turned the blade over in my hand a few times before raising my left arm and cutting along it. There was hardly any space on my arm that wasn't scarred over, so I didn't bother trying to avoid already made scars. With each new line the pain in my chest recceeded.

After fifteen lines of blood fell from my arm, I set the razor down.

I showered, but took longer than usual. I let the shower wash away all the evidence, and I stared at the ceiling as the water pounded on my back, thinking about how disappointed in me Feferi would be if she found out.

I picked at the scabs from some half healed ones, and let the blood from those wash away as well.

Eventually I got out, bandaged my arm, got dressed, and walked back out of the bathroom. I had been in there for an hour and a half.

I had my razor in my pocket, thank cod that my pajama pants had pockets, and I walked out with my hands in my pockets.

Feferi was asleep next to Sollux, and he was tracing lines on her shoulder. I winced, and then thanked God that he wasn't facing me to see.

I knew I was jealous of him, I had always known that and admitted it to Feferi more than once, but it wasn't jealousy that surged through my veins at that very moment.

It was loneliness.

I laid on my bed and faced the wall. I didn't want to see them. I held myself in a hug under the blankets, and slowly fell asleep without even bothering to dry my watering eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning to a dull ache in my arm, and someone poking my face.

I swatted the hand away and muttered, "Sol go away."

I heard a giggle, "It's not Sollux Erifin and it's time to get up we have class in an hour."

I opened my eyes to see I was no longer facing the wall, I was facing Feferi instead.

"Mornin'," I muttered before closing my eyes again.

"Good morning Erifin, now get out of bed!"

I chuckled and sat up, "Fine, fine."

My arm ached something fierce, but I wasn't about to complain. It hurt, but that was the point. How do you know you're alive if it doesn't hurt?"

I noticed Sollux wasn't in the room, "Where'd your man go?"

"He had a meeting with a professor, he didn't tell you?" She tipped her head to one side.

"No, Fef he doesn't tell me anythin'."

"That's a shame, I told him that you guys need to communicate better."

I shrugged, "I'm willin' to make an effort if he is."

"He's not, which is the problem," she plopped down on the bed next to me and sighed.

I hugged her, "It's fine Fef, I can deal with livin' with him even if he isn't pleasant. Remember my brother? He's not pleasant to live with either."

She shuddered at the thought of Cronus. He didn't go to college and he worked at a bar. Well, he used to until he started coming home drunk from drinking the merchandise. Now he lives at home with our dad. Mom died when we were young.

I took me a second to realize I hadn't let go of her. I let go, and she sighed.

"Sorry," I muttered.

She shook her head, "It's fine, that's not it."

"What's wrong?"

"You're tense, I can tell. Somefin is wrong, but I have a feeling you're not going to tell me," she pouted. I hate it when she does that cause I always spill everything when she does, and she knows it.

I hesitated, and then sighed, "I'll tell you if you promise not ta get mad."

"I promise."

"I… W-Well… I tried… I really tried… but my addiction is stronger than me…" I stared at the floor.

She didn't say anything at first, but after a moment of silence she wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my shoulder. Her shoulders shook, and I heard her make a strangled sound, like she was trying to choke back a sob.

The sound broke me. I choked on a sob and made a similar sound as she did. I buried my face in my hands. What have I done?

She tightened her grip on me and we both just sat there and sobbed. I haven't cried since I found out she was moving out of town, almost 3 years ago. I've come close, but I haven't actually cried in 3 years.

I turned and held her close and cried into her hair. She buried her face into my chest and sobbed.

We sat like this until Sollux walked in.

"What the… Eridan I'm going to end you!" Sol bellowed as he stormed over, moved Feferi despite her protests, and punched me in the face.

Feferi screamed for him to stop as he beat the hell out of me. I was too much in a state of shock to move. I raised my arms to cover my face but that proved ineffective as he hit the arm I cut on. I screamed bloody murder.

This went on for what felt like forever before Feferi grabbed Sollux and dragged him off me.

"How dare you! I told you not to fight anymore! No violence! He was only confiding in me he didn't do anything!" she screamed into his face.

Sol stood there utterly shocked. I barely noticed, however, because I was wiping blood off my face with my sleeve, which was bloodstained already. I bled through the bandages.

She smacked him, "How dare you! I'm done I can't be with someone who doesn't even wait to hear what's going on and insists on violence as the answer! I can't do it!"

Sollux's jaw dropped, "I was only… I was… What?"

"Get out! I need to talk to Eridan alone," she yelled.

Sollux slowly turned and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Feferi quickly walked over and sat by me and lifted her hand to my face, "I'm so sorry Erifin… I don't know what his problem is."

I shrugged and spat a tooth into my hand. That explains the blood and pain in my mouth.

"I'm not surprised that he did that, he said if I hurt you again he was goin' to end me," I muttered.

She gave me a worried look, "Where do you keep your medical supplies? I know you have some."

"Bathroom, under the sink."

She got up, went into the bathroom, and returned with my medical kit and a wet washcloth.

I reached for the medical kit when she sat it down but she gently took my hand and pushed it away, "I got it, it's about time someone took care of you."

I nodded slowly and wiped more of the blood that was on my face again.

She took the washcloth and gently started washing the blood off my face, stopping every time I winced to ask if I was okay.

If I wasn't in so much pain I would have really liked this.

After washing my face, and letting me stuff tissues up my nose to try and stop the bleeding, she gently rolled up my sleeve of my right arm, and then my left.

My right arm already had bruises forming, but my left arm was a train wreck. Where it wasn't bandaged it was bruising, and the bandages were bloodied and torn in some places. Feferi slowly unbandaged my arms, revealing all the damage that I had done to myself.

The ones from last night didn't really have time to close in the first place, so they were bleeding profusely. Some of the older ones had reopened and were bleeding, and the oldests ones were just bruising.

Feferi's eyes were watering, "I don't know how you can do this to yourself."

I shrugged. I started cutting my freshman year of high school because I couldn't deal with my life anymore, and I haven't stopped except for the 6 months break I managed to pull off my sophomore year.

She cleaned them up, disinfected them, and rebandaged them. I looked at the clock that sat on my little table next to my bed, it was well past the time class started.

She looked up at me, "Don't worry about class right now, how are you feeling?"

"I feel like I got hit by a truck."

She looked so sad it was making my chest hurt more then my face did.

I hugged her, "Thank you for carin' for me Fef. It means a lot."

She clung to me, "I should have told you this sooner but I was actually planning to break things off with Sollux anyway, this just made it come about sooner."

I pulled away but held her by the shoulders, "Why? You guys seemed so happy together."

She looked away, "He wasn't willing to compromise. He wasn't willing to be civil. You're my best friend Erifin, and he wasn't willing to put things behind him and be frondly like you were."

She looked back at me, "I'm really glad you were."

I hugged her again, "Anythin' Fef. Anythin' you want I'll do my best to do."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry it took so long to upload for some reason wasn't letting me upload? It hates me! Well yeah enjoy! Oh and I'm not sure what's up with it posting with it being one big block? I think I fixed it...

Chapter 4

A week later I had a single room in the same building as Feferi, only I was in the basement and she was on the top floor. I just finished rearranging everything to how I wanted it to be.

I fell face first onto my bed. I groaned as my phone started ringing.

I turned my head and grabbed it off the nightstand, "Hello?"

"Hello Eridan." My blood froze, it was my father.

"Um, hello father. W-What's the occasion?"

"Stop stuttering, it makes you sound like just a big an idiot as your brother."

"No promises."

He groaned, "I did not raise you to be an idiot. I'm calling because you're brother was speaking nonsense while he was drunk and he mentioned something about you that I'm particularly concerned about."

I laid there in silence for a moment before answering, "W-What w-was it father?"

"He said he found razor blades hidden in your room after you left. What he was doing in your room is beyond me."

My mouth dropped open, "How-w dare he! W-What is in my room is my fuckin' business!"

"I reprimanded him after he showed me what he found. There are bloodstains on them Eridan. What were you doing with them?"

I sat up and spoke through clenched teeth, "Nothin' w-worth mentionin' Father."

"Are you sure? If I find out you were hurting yourself with them you're going to be in a world of pain. I did not raise a coward or a self pitied fool."

"Yes Father I understand. No I was not hurting myself with them."

"I have to go to work now. Successful businesses don't run themselves. I will call you later this week. Good bye," he hung up before I got another word out.

I threw my phone at the wall as Feferi opened the door.

She squeaked and ran over to hug me, "What's wrong? What's wrong?"

I stared at the wall where Ithrew my phone with my jaw clenched in anger, "My fuckin' brother w-went through all my fuckin' stuff and found my old fuckin' razors and show-wed them to my fuckin' father."

She rubbed my back, "Does he know then?"

"No, he asked if I w-was and I said no. He didn't ask further and hung up."

She kept rubbing my back, "I'm sorry your brother went through your stuff. He really is a scumbag."

"He said that if he found out I was hurtin' myself w-with them then I'd be 'in a w-world of pain' because he didn't raise a coward or a self pitied fool," I sighed.

She pulled back, "How does falling prey to your demons make you a coward or a fool?"

"Cause it does."

She shook her head, "No it doesn't, it means that you need help. Someone to lean on when you're down. A new addiction to replace the old one."

I hugged her again, my anger fading into depression. "You're all I have, you're my best friend, you're all I have," I mumbled.

She rubbed my back, "I know, I know. I want you to promise me somefin Erifin."

"Anythin' Fef."

"If you feel the urge to hurt yourself at all, call me.

I'll leave my ringer on so even if it's three in the morning I want you to call me."

I nodded, "I'll do that okay?"

"Thank you Eridan."

She pulled back again as she spoke and rested her forehead against mine.

I felt my face heat up, what was she doing?

I noticed her face flush and she bit her lip to try and hide a smile.

We didn't dare move. I wasn't sure what to do, every fiber of my being was screaming _kiss her_ but I didn't want to try anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. She was my best friend and she was all I had, I couldn't endanger that. I couldn't go back to being all alone. But it looked like I wouldn't have to do anything, because Feferi moved first.

She tipped her head up as she tangled her hand in my hair and pressed her lips against mine. I didn't move at first from the sheer shock of what was happening, but then every one of those fibers of my being started screaming _kiss her back damnit!_ I pressed back hesitantly and cautiously, not quite sure if I was dreaming or not. After a few utterly amazing moments I lowered my arms from around her shoulders to around her waist and she leaned into me, knocking me off balance and making me fall backward, pulling her with me. We were both laying next to each other, kissing each other, for what felt like a pleasant forever. I didn't want it to end, but after awhile Feferi pulled away so she could breathe. I don't think I've smiled that big in years.

~====3====~

That weekend Fef and I were curled up together on my bed, dozing, when we heard a knock on the door.

I groaned and Feferi sat up.I got up and walked to the door and opened it. Standing outside was the short boy whose room was right next to mine, Karkat.

"Hey, got any fucking coffee?" Karkat looked dead to the world.

I shook my head, "I got tea, but no coffee."

"Goddamnit. Equius down the hall doesn't have coffee either. I got to fucking work in an hour and I was up till an hour ago working on my fucking homework."

I shrugged, "Tea has caffeine in it Kar."

He shrugged, "I can't make it in a coffee pot though."

"Can't you go to the coffee shop over by the dining commons?"

"No, I'm out of meal points for the week."

I sighed, "Try Terezi up on the first floor, maybe she has some."

He groaned, "That's my ex girlfriend and I would rather not talk to her."

I tipped my head to one side, "Really? Huh. Well try Dave, he might have some."

"Good idea, thanks asshole." I rolled my eyes and shut the door when Karkat left.

I curled back up next to Feferi and she buried her face in my chest. "He's not very frondly is he?"

"Nope, well, he just swears a lot really. And yells."

She curled up into a tighter ball and nodded. I knew she hated yelling. Her parents used to fight a lot before they divorced, her mom got a new job, and she moved. I traced circles on her shoulders and realized that I hadn't really asked how she coped with all of that. She lost everything except for Sollux, and now she doesn't have him. I'm not much of a good person, I'm practically subhuman. Especially in my family's eyes.

I buried my face in her hair and asked, "How are you holding up?"

She looked up so her forehead was against mine, "I'm doing just fine Erifin, why do you ask?"

"I've never really asked you how you were doin' since you broke things off with Sol and even since you moved," I felt a twinge of guilt, maybe I really was self centered.

"Well, starting back when I moved it was hard at first but I got used to it. As for breaking things off with Sollux, I'm doing a lot better because I have you," she bit her lip when she spoke about her move, she was hiding something.

I lifted a hand to brush some of her hair out of her face, "You sure you were okay when you moved? A lot of things happened all at once, we weren't even talkin' at the time but I heard stuff from Nepeta."

She bit her lip again, "I dealt with it, I was okay and I'm okay now."

"Then why are you bitin' your lip?"

She shrugged, "Habit I guess."

Sadness panged in my chest, she didn't want me to know what happened. I'm not sure if I even wanted to know, because I knew I would blame myself for not being there. We laid there, tangled up with each other, in relative silence for awhile before we both fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: I'm not sure what was up with the bolding but went nuts with my chapters and I don't know why! Well I'm fixing it now so I hope it works!_

Chapter 5

I was walking to my Math class, which was my only night class and one of the few classes I didn't have with Feferi, when I felt something collide with the back of my head and the world went black.

When I came to, I was laying on the bathroom floor of my old room with Sollux standing over me. Anger consumed me.

"W-What the fuck Sol?" I yelled.

He kicked me square in the nose, "Shut up fishdick. You stole my woman, and I found out what you guys were hiding from me. Think I wouldn't notice the bloody bandages in the trash?"

I paled, shit.

He pulled a razor out of his back pocket, "I'm going to show you what real pain is."

I scrambled to my feet and swung a punch at him, but he caught my fist and twisted, sending a wave of pain up my right arm. I swung my left arm, which wasn't smart seeing as I was right-handed, and he caught it with the hand holding the razor, cutting my knuckles. I winced.

He kicked me in the stomach, which sent me stumbling backward. He put the razor in his right hand and punched me in the face with it, cutting my face open. I gasped in pain.

I fell backward and slide down against the wall. I looked up at him, my head, face, and hand throbbing. He put a foot on my ankles so I couldn't move.

Fast as a snake, he grabbed my right arm, yanked the sleeve up, and cut along the top of my wrist where you could see my veins. I gasped in pain when he cut too deep.

He cut lines from my wrist to my forearm, all of them deeper then I would have normally gone.

He dropped my right arm, grabbed my left, and did the same. He gave no regard to the cuts already there and healing. I hadn't cut since Feferi kissed me last week, a record for the current period of time.

Realization dawned on me. He was making them look like self harm cuts on purpose. He was trying to get Feferi mad at me. Anger overtook the pain as I grabbed the razor out of his hand, ignoring the pain that shot through my hand as I did so, and threw it across the room. I punched him in the face, and ran out of the room.

~====3====~

I knocked on Feferi's door on the top floor of our residence hall. She opened it, looking tired, and her eyes widened when she saw the gash on my face.

"What the shell happened!?" she held her hands to her mouth.

"Sol happened. He jumped me, dragged me to our old room, and cut me up. Literally," I yelped in pain when she grabbed my wrist and pulled me into her room.

"Let me see the damage," she said quietly.

I pulled up both bloodstained sleeves to shove her my bloodied arms and gestured to my face, which was bruised and bleeding.

She covered her mouth with her hands in horror, "Oh my cod. You need stitches those are so deep."

I paled, I couldn't go to the hospital. They'd put me in a psych ward from all the self injury scars.

"I'm sure they're fine Fef… I can't go to a hospital.." my voice was weak and I was starting to get really dizzy.

"You don't get a choice," she was already dialing campus security.

Not long after, security came in through the open door and had me explain what happened. They looked over my arms, and called 911 when I told them I was dizzy and lightheaded. I was losing too much blood.

Feferi was pressing washcloths to my arms to try and stop the bleeding when my vision started blurring and everything went black for the second time that day.

~====3====~

I woke up in the hospital, my arms aching something fierce.

I tried to sit up, but my arms were bound to the bed.

Panic erupted in my chest. Oh no, oh no oh no oh no.

I lifted my head and looked around, I was in a pure white room with a dresser, a desk, a door that I assumed led to the bathroom, another door that was open and led to a hallway, and a bed that I was currently laying on.

"Anybody there?" I yelled in a panicked voice.

A nurse walked in, her name tag saying that her name was Jane, and said, "I see you're finally awake, that's good! My name is Jane, I'll be your nurse."

"Okay, hello Jane, can you please tell me w-why the fuck my wrists and legs are bound ta this fuckin' bed frame?!" I said, panic making my voice louder than I wanted it to be.

She sighed, "You were thrashing around, and reopened your arms and had to have them stitched up again."

I groaned, "I'm not thrashin' around now, can you please undo these!? I don't do well bein' restrained."

She nodded and walked over, undoing the leather cuffs.

I sat up, "Where am I anyway?"

"You're at Prospit Memorial Hospital's Mental Health Unit."

I paled, "Great. Why am I here?"

She gestured to my arms, "While you had multiple lacerations that were not your doing, you also had many that were your doing. Your girlfriend told us that you struggled with self harm."

I paled, of course she would tell them. She worries about me so much so I wasn't angry, but I suddenly felt claustrophobic.

"You'll let me out a' here right?"

"When your doctor deems that you are fit to leave then yes."

I nodded and she changed the bandages over the cuts Sol had made. I watched her do so, so I saw the puckered, stitched up skin that laid under the bandages.

I sighed, those were gonna scar so badly they'll never fade.

"Since you're awake, you can come out to the day room and meet your fellow patients," she smiled.

I nodded slowly and slowly got up, pain shooting through my arms every time I moved them.

I followed her out of the room and down a stark white hallway to a room with tan walls and windows lining the walls both to the inside and outside. The windows were double paned and had wire running in a criss-cross pattern between them. I saw several people in there, and Feferi was one of them.

I hurriedly walked through the door into the room as Feferi looked up. She hopped up and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and buried her face into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist, ignoring the searing pain, and buried my face in her hair.

"No touching!" Jane yelled.

We both sighed and let go of each other. Feferi was in her usual sleeveless shirt and skirt, while I was in black scrubs. Short sleeved ones.

I noticed she had a hospital bracelet on.

"What are you doin' here Fef?" I asked, panic rising in my chest and up my throat again.

She looked away, "It has to do with how I dealt with everything. I'm better at disguising pain then you are Erifin…"

Realization hit me like a truck.

"Oh cod…" I stared at her in horror. "Oh no oh no oh no no no no not you too Fef…"

She looked back at me, sorrow filling her eyes and spilling over.

I had to fight myself not to wrap her up in my arms and rub her back and tell her it was okay, but it was apparent that we were not allowed to touch anyone here.

Instead I burst into a sob. How did I not notice?

I turned to make sure Jane wasn't looking, and I gently lifted her arm up. It was clean.

She shook her head and hiked her skirt up. There on her thighs were rows and rows and rows of scars, and rows and rows and rows of scabbed over or open cuts. A few of them looked infected.

She dropped her skirt, "The only reason why they even found out is because some of them got infected. I don't know how, but they did."

Depression overtook me like a black hole, this is my fault. If I had not broken contact… had I not been so fucking blind I could have seen this and stopped it…

I lowered myself to my knees and sobbed into my hands.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: I hope I fixed the line breaks!_

Chapter 6

Every day had a set schedule. We woke up at 6:30 to get vitals taken. We get breakfast and morning meds at 7, (the doctor put me on some antidepressant called Celexa when I got here) we were in different support groups until noon, we had lunch and some people got more meds, we were back in group therapy until 5, we had dinner, then we had free time until our last group of the day which was at 7 at night, and then we were all in bed by 9.

Right now it was free time and I was sitting with Feferi in the day room watching the news on TV.

We still weren't allowed to touch each other, so we snuck a hug here and there, held hands when no one was watching, and I even got to kiss her once or twice.

It's been a week since we got here, and neither of us were going anywhere anytime soon.

They found me slamming my wrists against my desk in my room, and Feferi, despite being a master at hiding her depression, wasn't fooling the doctors and she was making little to no improvement.

To be honest, neither was I.

Guilt plagued my every waking feeling and self loathing plagued my every waking thought. Feferi picked up on this and tried to comfort me, telling me it wasn't my fault and it was okay, but I knew that it wasn't okay and it was my fault.

If I had only been there.

She told me that she had started shortly after I cut contact due to all the horrible things that had been going on at home.

I knew it was because I was no longer around, she didn't say it but I knew that was it.

I knew it because she told me that she could never talk to Sollux about it because he would always say he had it worse. She had no one to talk to anymore.

After a month of being here they finally deem us well enough to leave. I left in the morning, and she left that evening.

I walked into my dorm and fell fast first into my bed. My arms didn't hurt much anymore, but they were still healing.

I received word shortly after being admitted that Sollux Captor had been arrested for aggravated assault. Good.

I laid on my stomach on my bed for awhile, before I heard a knock on the door.

"Come on in," I yelled.

Feferi hurried in and tackled me before I was even able to completely turn around and sit up and knocked me back over. I laughed and hugged her tightly as she kissed me all over my face.

I didn't realize how starved I was to feel her touch until this moment, every kiss was electrifying and feeling her weight pressed against me was the best feeling thing I had felt in over a month.

After a few moments her lips found mine and I had never kissed her with as much passion as I had in that moment. If I could take a moment in time, freeze it, and keep it in my head for the rest of time this would have been what it was.

It was torture being able to see her, but not touch her. Not able to hug her when she cried, not able to get a hug from her while I cried. Save a few secret hugs in the hallways and such, we couldn't touch each other at all. Imagine seeing the one you love with everything you have through a glass wall and be completely unable to touch them.

I moved my mouth with hers, opening my mouth slightly to let her tongue in. I had never felt so alive in my life.

Traces of guilt and self loathing tried to force their way through, but with some effort I cast them away. Not now, nothing was going to ruin this moment.

She moved her hand down and slide it up my shirt. The simple gesture sent electricity up my spine.

I slide my left hand under her shirt and traced circles on her lower back. She shuddered and I froze, thinking I did something wrong.

"Please keep doing that," she murmured against my lips.

So I did.

After a few moments of that I started to run my fingers along her spine. She shuddered again and gasped softly into my mouth. I guess she was as starved for physical contact as I was.

She held onto my shoulders and rolled over, pulling me on top of her. I kissed her neck and she leaned her head back as much as my mattress would allow.

One of her hands found my hair and tangled in it, tugging a little and feeding a fire that only she could take care of.

I sighed against her neck before biting gently, afraid I'd hurt her. She tugged a little harder on my hair, which made me sigh again.

I reached back up and kissed her again, biting her lip this time. She sighed into my mouth and pulled my head back by my hair so she could kiss my neck, feeding the fire in my abdomen.

I gasped and whined a little when she bit me, which only made her bite harder.

This wasn't the first time we had gotten this far. Fef, having more experience than me in this area, (my only experience being a drunken endeavor with Vriska in high school that I could barely remember) wanted, well, things to happen a lot faster than I anticipated.

I wasn't complaining though.

Except when I got incredibly turned on and then she'd have to leave.

Like right now for instance, only she hasn't left yet.

My train of thought was lost when she bit down on the soft spot of my neck and I had to bite my tongue to keep myself quiet save a quiet whine. In response to that, she bit me again.

I couldn't stay even remotely quiet that time.

She giggled a bit, "Enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah," my voice was quieter than usual. "Are you?

She nodded, "Of course."

I started kissing and biting her neck again. Her breathing went slow and deep in response, along with tugging on my hair.

With her free hand she tugged on my shirt as if to ask if I could lose it.

Across the room it goes.

She slid her hand up my chest, sending waves of electricity through my torso. I bit her neck a little harder. She tugged at my hair in response.

By now I was a panting mess. It was going to be one of those days where when she leaves I'm gonna have to finish myself off rather quickly or this flame would burn me alive.

She rolled me off her and pulled her own shirt off.

Okay maybe she wasn't leaving anytime soon.

She climbed on top of me and kissed my collarbones before meeting my lips.

One of her hands trailed lower and I had to bite my tongue again in a feeble attempt to silence myself. It didn't work.

She palmed me through my pants, and I panted and moaned in response. I dug my fingers into her back and she sped up.

She had her face buried into my neck, kissing it, and I had my head tilted back as far as I could make it go laying down with my eyes wide open.

I dug my fingers harder into her back when she slipped her hand in my pants and I felt her skin on mine.

I whimpered pathetically after a few moments when she slid her hand out.

"Shh…" she soothed and tugged at my waistband.

Soon enough that too was across the room.

And seconds after that Feferi's skirt was across the room as well.

She pulled me on top of her and skin met skin, making us both shudder.

"I take it you wanna do this?" I murmured against her neck.

"I thought that was obvious," she giggled.

I let out a low chuckle, "Had to make sure, verbal consent is always good."

She nodded as I dug through the drawer in the nightstand for protection. After getting that settled on, I did what she, and I quite frankly, wanted.

She winced at first, making me freeze for a moment before she urged me on, but after a few moments she was a moaning mess. I can't say I was any better, because I was also emitting a cacophony of sounds from my throat. I rocked my hips to an unheard rhythm and soon each pant and moan followed that rhythm.

It could have been minutes or hours and I wouldn't have known when she hit her climax, her body clenching down on me. I had felt myself building toward sensory overload, but when it his I literally could not stop myself from crying out in the sheer bliss of the moment.

I slowly lowered myself till I was laying on top of her and murmured into her neck, "That was beautiful love, and I want you to know that I do love you I've wanted to say that for years now but I never got the chance and I figure now is a good a time as any."

She tilted her head to rest it against mine, "Truth be told I've loved you for awhile Eridan I just never came to terms with it till recently."

The warmth that was sitting in my chest spread throughout my body and I gathered her into a hug and covered her face with kisses, making us both laugh.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I slowly woke up to the feeling of someone's head nuzzling my chest.

My eyes fluttered open and saw it was Fef. I buried my face in her hair and fell asleep again.

I woke up later to the sound of my phone ringing.

Groaning, I rolled over and answered it, "Hello?"

"Hey chief it's me."

"W-What the fuck do you w-want Cronus?" anger seized me when I remembered that he had gone through my stuff.

"Hey hey hey calm down I called to apologize for searching your stuff. I was drunk and being stupid," he sounded sober.

"Yeah w-well you still shouldn't hav-ve done it! And how-w dare you take what you found to Father! Are you tryin' ta get me killed!"

"No chief I'm not, like I said I was drunk I didn't know what I was doing!" he sighed. "I called for another reason, not just to fight with you."

"W-Well w-what is it?"

"I'm going into rehab, for my drinking problem. I recognize I have a problem, and Father is forcing me to go instead of letting me deal with it myself," he was quiet, which was unlike him.

I sat up, much to Feferi's confusion, no longer angry, "What?"

"You heard me Eridan."

I sighed, "Do you need me ta come back there? I can take a week off from school. Family emergency and such."

"I'd really appreciate it chief if you did."

"Alright, I'll call Father an arrange for me to come back as soon as possible."

"Thanks Eridan, means a lot."

"You're welcome Cro. You actually sound sober for once."

"Don't remind me. I'm literally sick right now from withdrawal."

"Sorry Cro."

"It's fine, call Father, I'm going to go lay down."

"Alright, goodnight Cro," I hung up, called my father, arranged for him to pick me up tonight, and I hung up.

Feferi put a hand on my shoulder, "What's going on Erifin?"

"My brother is going into rehab. He finally recognized his drinking problem."

She nodded, "That's great Erifin! I take it you're going to visit him?"

I nodded, "Just for a week back in Derse."

She hugged me, "I hope things go well, do you think your dad will do anyfin regarding what your brother told him?"

I paled, I hadn't thought of that, "I hope not…"

A few hours later, I stood in front of the residence hall with Fef as Father pulled up in his car.

She held my hand, and I could see the approval on my father's face when he stepped out of the car and I pressed my lips Fef's head.

"Hello Eridan, hello Feferi. You did not inform me of this development Eridan," he shook her hand before turning to me.

"I didn't? Oh, I thought I did Father," don't stutter, don't stutter, don't stutter…

He shook his head, "Well we must be off. Cronus is with your mother right now Feferi so he doesn't get into my alcohol cabinet. Eridan, he goes to rehab tomorrow morning."

We nodded. Everyone knew that Feferi's mom did not have any alcohol at all in her house.

"Time to go, say your goodbyes Eridan. You'll see her again in a week."

I nodded and turned to hug Fef. She clung to me, "I hope that your brother will get better. It'd be best for the both of you if he does."

I nodded, burying my face in her hair. After a moment I kissed her goodbye and stepped into my father's car.

~====3====~

Several hours later we were pulling into the Pexies driveway to pick up Cronus.

We walked up to the front door and knocked. Feferi's sister Meenah answered.

"Oh look who it is!" she sneered. She never liked me.

"Just let us in Meenah," Father said curtly.

She nodded and stepped aside to let us in.

Cronus, who was laying face first on the couch, looked up as we walked in. He was a mess. His hair wasn't slicked back like it always was, his eyes were red and his skin was pale.

"Hey there chief, glad you could come," his voice sounded more raspy than it had over the phone.

"Hello Cro, both me and Fef are glad you're gettin' help," I walked over and sat next to him, sitting on the edge of the couch by his waist. Cronus may be a scumbag, but that was only when he was drunk. Which for the last five years was a constant. Right now, he didn't look like a scumbag, he just looked really sick and sad.

He buried his face back into the couch as Meenah and her mom walked in. Meenah and Cronus had been friends since birth practically, as had me and Fef. They were best friends to the point where they insulted each other's very existence on a daily basis but they knew the other didn't mean it. They'd kill someone for the other.

Meenah sat by Cro's head and ran her hand through his hair. This was the first time I have actually seen her look concerned for someone. I didn't like Meenah, but I knew she made a great friend to my misled brother.

I heard patient knocking on the front door. Kankri was here.

Ms. Peixies answered it and sure enough the shorter male with the red turtleneck was standing there with his hands in his pockets.

"Hello Ms. Peixies. I was informed that Cronus was here and he was ill. Is he alright?" he said in his patient and matter-of-factly tone.

She shook her head, "He's on the couch, you can see for yourself."

Kankri walked over by us and kneeled by my brother's head, "Hello Cronus, how are you feeling?"

"Horrible doll, I've been sick to my stomach all day, my head is killing me, I can't sleep…" he looked miserable, and even turning his head to the side to talk appeared to take a lot of effort looking at the sweat that beaded on his forehead.

Kankri put his hand on one of his, "It will be alright Cronus."

Cro's eyes widened at something past Kankri's head, "Oh fuck not this again."

"Cronus language, and what is it?"

"Hallucinating again?" Meenah asked.

He nodded and buried his face into the couch again, mumbling to himself.

I had done a little research on alcohol withdrawal on the ride here from my phone. Hallucinations sometimes occurred 12 to 24 hours after the last drink.

"Cro, I did some research and ta' hallucinations should be gone within tw-wo days," I told him, hoping he could hear me. "Ta' w-withdrawal however can last w-weeks."

"Cronus, are you aware that what you are seeing is not real?" Father asked.

"Yes Father, I know they aren't real," he said, not lifting his head.

"Then you are not in as much danger as I thought, but I think we should bring you to the hospital to be safe. Even mild alcohol withdrawal can prove fatal," Father said matter-of-factly.

Kankri nodded, "I did my own research before I came here. I request that I come with him when you take him. It would do him well to have a close friend with him."

"I'd go, but I got homework to do," Meenah shrugged.

"And I know you hate hospitals Meenah," Cronus said through the couch.

Father nodded, "Kankri and Eridan help him get up and out to the car."

Cronus slowly sat up, looking like a total mess, and I helped him stand. Kankri put an arm around his waist and I put an arm around his shoulder on the other side and we helped him walk to Father's car.

Twenty minutes later we helped him walk into the Emergency Room at Derse Hospital.

We sat there in tense silence in the waiting room before they came to take him back, instructing Kankri and I to stay put until they stabilize him.

Kankri looked almost distressed when he rose to follow him back and they told us to sit down and wait. I was mildly irritated because he was my brother and I should be able to go back there, but Father just nodded and didn't fight them.

We sat there in silence for about fifteen minutes, which was unusual because usually Kankri was talking my ear off about something or another. Mostly about social issues I had no care for.

I looked at Kankri, and he had his head in his hands.

"Hey Kan? You alright?" I asked.

He shook his head and lowered his hands, oh my cod he was crying, "I knew he had a problem years ago, and I kept telling him to get help for it but he would not listen to me. He told me I was being overly concerned for his safety and that he would be fine. I thought I would be prepared to see him like this now that he was finally heeding my wishes to seek rehabilitation, but seeing him like that honestly really hurts."

I tilted my head to one side, "Do you have feelings for my brother Kan?"

He jumped, "I was hoping you would not notice."

I shrugged, "You've been my brother's best friend since I don't even know how long and you don't think I didn't have my suspicions on how you look at and talk about him?"

He stared at the floor, "Don't tell anyone, especially your father, but I should not have let him start drinking excessively like he did. If I had been any sort of decent partner then I would have ended it before it began. Instead I watched him self destruct despite all my best efforts."

I froze for a moment before a grin spread on my face, "So that's why he hasn't had a girlfriend, he's not into girls he's into you Kan. And it's not your fault, I tried to get him to stop too you know. It's neither of our faults."

He nodded, "I guess it's not. I just feel as if it was my fault because I knew he had a problem before anyone else did."

I shook my head, "I knew when he started drinking in secret, believe me I knew." I still had the scarring to prove that I knew.

He turned to me, "If you do not mind me asking, how did you know?"

"I'd find him drinking in his room, and ta' keep me quiet he'd, well, ta' put it bluntly he would hit me upside the head or somethin'."

Kankri looked sad and tired, "He feels really bad about that you know. He told me once while he was actually sober that he was hitting you and he felt so guilty about it."

I stared at him, "He did?"

Kankri nodded, "He also feels great remorse for going through your room. He was looking for more alcohol and was hoping that you had some stashed in your room and he found your razor blades instead."

I paled and he continued, "He was going to just take them and hide them so you could not use them anymore, but in a drunken logical fallacy during an argument with your father he handed them over."

I sighed, "Just between you and me, I'm gettin' better from that. Feferi is helping me… and also between you and me I was in a mental health unit for a month and didn't tell my family."

He nodded, "It is my understanding that you did not tell your family to avoid the repercussions?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Father called me before hand about the blades and then Feferi's ex attacked me and I almost bled out. I woke up in the mental health unit."

His eyes widened in horror, "Why did Feferi's ex attack you?"

"Because I quote 'stole his woman" from him. I was confidin' in Fef and he came in and attacked me, which made her leave him. Not long after he knocked me out while I was walkin' to class and I woke up in our old bathroom from when we were roommates. He then did this," I looked around to make sure Father wasn't there, and rolled up my sleeves.

Kankri covered his mouth with one hand at the darker scars that lined my arm from Sollux. His eyes widened further when he saw the lighter scars that I had done myself on my left arm.

"Oh my gosh Eridan, what prompted you to…" he was at a loss for words, which amazed me.

I pulled my sleeves down, "I started because a' Cronus hitting me and Father treatin' me like I wasn't human and from everyone at school treatin' me like I wasn't human. I stopped for awhile because Fef asked me ta'. I started again when she moved. I haven't recently because of her."

Kankri nodded, "I am so sorry Eridan. I was not aware that the things Cronus did was affecting you in such a way. I was also not aware that your father was also treating you badly."

I nodded, "He never laid a hand on me, but that doesn't mean that he wasn't cruel."

As the last word came out of my mouth Father walked out from the back, his face pale.

We both stood. "Father what is it?"

"He starting showing signs that things will go fatal. He is in the ICU right now."

Kankri's hands flew to his face in horror and my jaw dropped. I didn't think he was doing that badly.

He nodded, "We can go back to see him now."

We followed him back into his room. Cronus stared at the ceiling with all sorts of monitors and tubes hooked up to him.

Kankri tried to appear calm, but when he saw Cronus his hand came up to his mouth and the facade was lost. I smiled sadly at him when he turned his head to look at us.

"Hey guys…" he tried smiling.

Kankri walked over and kneeled by his bedside, his hand never leaving his mouth.

"Hey doll it's okay, I'll be fine," Cronus said reassuringly.

Kankri had stopped crying earlier, but he broke into fresh tears from the scratchiness of his voice. I felt a pang of sympathy. If I saw Feferi in the same place, I'd lost my mind. I admire his strength and restraint not to just wrap his arms around my brother and not let go.

I walked over and sat on the side of the bed at my brother's side. He looked over, "Hey chief, you looking out for Kankri for me? It's a bit difficult for me to do it right now."

I nodded, "Yeah Cro, I'll keep an eye out for him."

Kankri had rested his head on Cronus' shoulder, and I heard a grunt from Father, "Visitation is only for another hour or so."

Kankri lifted his head and we all nodded.

Cronus lifted an arm and turned Kankri's head toward him, "I'll be fine doll, okay?"

Kankri, dried his eyes with the arm of his sweater, "I believe you Cronus, but…"

"No but's Kankri, I'll be fine."

I couldn't help but notice how they looked at each other, how lightly Cronus held his hand to the shorter man's face. I didn't know exactly how long they have been together but it's been since before Cronus started drinking, which five years ago.

I felt myself pale for my brother's sake when I heard Father grunt again, "You sound like you're calming a girlfriend you've never had Cronus."

I saw the color drain out of Kankri's face, and I hadn't realized there was any color left in Cronus' until it faded away.

They exchanged a look that I couldn't read and then Cronus cleared his throat, "About that Father…"

"Don't tell me you're gay Cronus."

Silence met Father's words. I looked back and forth between all three of them, unsure of what to do.

"Well?" Father said, irritation lining his words.

Cronus looked and Kankri, grabbed his hand, and spoke clearer then I had heard him speak since this morning, "Yeah Father, I am."

It didn't register on our father's face for a few moments, but when it did he took a step forward and spoke through gritted teeth, "You better not be, I did not raise a pansy."

Kankri's eyes narrowed, "Being gay does not make you a 'pansy'" he used air quotes with his free hand. "It just means you happen to like someone with the same gender as you. He is still the same person that you raised, terrorized, and drove into a hole that led him here!"

Father took another step forward and rage enveloped his words, "How dare you criticize my parenting with him! How dare you brainwash him into thinking this is okay. I assume you're his partner, and if that is the case then I will have to ask you to leave and to never come back."

This is when I felt the need to say something, "That's like asking Fef ta' leave my side w-when I w-was unconscious from blood loss in ta' hospital a month ago! Don't make Kan leav-we, he's not doing anythin' w-wrong but defendin' w-what he cares about most and hav-ve you ever known Kan to not defend w-what he cares about?"

"How dare you- what? Why did you not say you were in the hospital? What happened?" Father struggled with his words for the first time since Mother died.

I rose to my feet, "Feferi's ex boyfriend attacked me and cut my arms ta' ribbons. I almost died. As to why I didn't say anything, that is my business."

Rage retook his features, "Fine. Kankri you can stay with Cronus, but he is no longer my son. Eridan let's go." He turned to leave.

Kankri started to rise to his feet but Cronus wrapped his arm around his waist and said, "Don't bother, that's a blessing not a curse doll."

I stood there, unsure of what to do. Father turned again when he didn't hear me walking toward him, "Let's go Eridan."

In a fit of either bravery or insanity, I'm not sure which, I tore my left sleeve up and said quietly, "If he's not your son for being gay then I'm not your son for being a cow-ward."

He turned the rest of the way around, took two steps toward me, and grabbed my by the throat, "We're leaving, now."

Panic enveloped my chest. Cronus never treated me well, but I know now that he at least felt guilty about it, and he only choked me once.

His hand left my throat, grabbed my left wrist, and dragged me out of the room. I turned my head to my brother and his boyfriend and shot them a pleading look.

"Help me!" I mouthed.

Kankri got up without Cronus restraining him and rushed to grab my right wrist, "Let him go!"

Father turned and unhooked Kankri's hands from my wrist with ease, "This is not your problem Kankri, I will take care of it."

Kankri tried to grab me again but Father yanked me forward and I barely kept my balance to avoid ending up face first on the ground. Kankri, who was always like a big brother to me despite Cronus' drunken fights with me, ended up on his knees on the floor.

Cronus yelled after him, his voice hoarse, "Let him go!" and Kankri stared after me from the floor.

Nurses stared as he dragged me out of the ICU, out of the waiting room, and to his car. He opened the door and practically threw me into the back seat. Fear and panic pounded through my veins.

He got in the drivers side seat and started driving home.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

A/N: this chapter is short I know, there's a reason for that. Major trigger warnings for this chapter though!

He parked in the driveway, came around to the back, and dragged me out from where I was cowering in the back seat. Maybe I was a coward, but I wasn't stupid for fearing my father's wrath.

He dragged me up the front steps to the house where I had grown up, where my mother died, and where Cronus beat me unconscious on more than one occasion.

He unlocked and opened the front door and almost literally threw me into the living room. I stumbled forward and managed for the second time that night to keep myself upright.

I turned to face him but as I did so I felt his fist collide with my face. I cried out in pain and stumbled to the side.

"I told you you would be in for a world of pain if I found out you were hurting yourself. I did not raise a self-pitying coward," he spat.

I rubbed my face, I was used to this from Cronus. Just let him get it out of his system, and then he'll leave me be.

He swung again and his fist collided with my temple, sending pain shooting across my head. I fell, colliding with the floor.

I rolled onto my back to feel his fist come down on my nose with a crack. He probably broke it.

His fist came down on my face probably another ten times before he finally stopped. The world blurred and I turned my head to the side, spitting blood.

"Don't get blood on my floor," he growled before walking out of the room.

I laid there, blood draining from my nose and from the cracked tooth in my mouth. I spat out half of the tooth, make that a broken tooth.

I laid there for cod only knows how long. The panic I had been feeling receded, leaving a feeling of despair and deep sadness. Thoughts of suicide plagued my mind. I got up and went into the bathroom to wash up, or originally that's what I was going to do.

I should have called Feferi, I know that now. I shouldn't have stumbled into that bathroom and locked the door behind me. I shouldn't have thrown open the medicine cabinet and grabbed the bottle of my anti anxiety pills that I had brought down from Alternia College and had stashed in the back. I shouldn't have sat against the wall and dumped the 30 pills into my hand. I shouldn't have taken them one at a time.

I should have answered the first knock on the door. I should have answered the second knock on the door. I shouldn't have forced the last one down as the world blurred around me and my head screamed with pain.

I should have realized what I had done. I should have cried out for help. I should have responded when Father kicked open the door, yelling at me for locking the door.

I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have done it.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thought it was over? NOPE! Well sorry for the late updates FF was not letting me upload for some reason? It was glitching and it keeps doing that and yeah I post more regular updates on my A03 anyway, so I'm gonna be posting the link to that on my profile. Anyway, enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 9

I woke up to a bright light shining in my eyes. I screwed my eyes shut.

Everything hurt. I tried to swallow but gagged on a tube. Why did I have a tube shoved down my throat?

I looked to the side, away from the light. I noticed someone had their head down on the side of the bed, their long curly reddish black hair sprawled out everywhere. They were sleeping by my guess so I stayed quiet to avoid waking them.

I looked to the other side to see two people sitting on that side talking quietly to each other. One had a white shirt, was rather pale, and had slicked back black hair. The person next to him had curly black hair and a red turtleneck

They looked familiar, but I couldn't put a finger on who they were.

I tried to think, but thinking hurt so I didn't anymore.

I was still looking at them when the one in the red turtleneck looked at me and covered his mouth with one hand, "Cronus he is awake!"

The one named Cronus' head spun and his face lit up, "Eridan! Oh my cod! Feferi wake up Eridan is awake!"

I looked over and the girl who had been sleeping's head shot up. She looked familiar too.

Her hand shot up to cover her mouth and she squealed, "Eridan oh my cod this is great!"

She pulled a string that said "Nurse" on it and shortly thereafter a nurse came in and started looking over the different monitors around me that I then realized were hooked up to me.

I blinked and the nurse came by me, "Welcome back Eridan!" she was cheery.

Eridan… Eridan… Oh that was me wasn't it.

She quick called someone and shortly after that a doctor came in. He also went over my monitors.

"Hey Eridan? Welcome back!" he was cheery too. "We're gonna see if you can breathe on your own okay? Blink twice if you're okay with that."

I blinked twice slowly. Everything seemed really difficult, especially thinking.

Feferi, Cronus, and Kankri watched with anxiety on their faces as the doctor and nurse did a bunch of things that I barely remember now and they turned the respirator off and told me to inhale.

After a second of not breathing I inhaled, and then exhaled. I did this on command for a minute or so before I could do it without thinking about it.

The doctor smiled, "That's great Eridan. We're going to take the tube out of your mouth okay? It was hooked up to the respirator and now that you can breathe you no longer need it. Blink twice for okay."

I blinked twice, a little faster this time.

They pulled the tube out of my mouth, which was very uncomfortable by the way, and I tried to lick my lips.

I tried to sit up, but I could barely move my head let alone anything else. So I swallowed a few times before attempting to speak, which didn't work.

"It's going to be awhile before you can do much again Eridan," the doctor said. "You were out for quite awhile."

I mouthed, "How long?"

"Two weeks."

"What put me here?" I mouthed again.

"You don't remember?"

I shook my head slightly and Feferi burst into tears.

"You attempted suicide Eridan," Cronus said quietly. "Meenah found you."

I tried to think back, and everything came back to me at once. I felt the blood rush from my face.

"W-w-w-what?" I managed to rasp. "F-father found me…"

Cronus shook his head, "He…"

The doctor cut him off, "It would be best not to tell him right now."

I shook my head slightly and rasped, "Tell me."

"Father left you to die chief. Kankri called Meenah to go check up on you and she found you on the bathroom floor all beat up and overdosing on Xanax."

I blinked and couldn't think of something to say. He left me to die?

I wasn't sure if I was glad about that or not.

~====3====~

They released me a month later to the mental health unit, and they released me from there two months later.

I walked back into my dorm to find Feferi standing there in her sleeveless shirt and her skirt, only it was a different one. It was longer.

I dropped my bags and pulled her into the tightest hug I've ever given anyone before.

We had been in constant contact the entire time. While I was recovering from the coma, she could only take a week off from school. I had done most of my school work in the hospital, but it's almost impossible to keep up when I wasn't in the classes themselves. I was taking this semester off.

She buried her face in my chest and hugged back just as tight. I haven't felt any physical contact in two months and I was even more starved for it then I was after being in the mental health unit the first time.

"I've said it before, but I'm so sorry…" I muttered into her hair.

"I've said it before as well, as long as you don't do it again it's okay," she said into my chest.

She tilted her head up and I could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. I gently held her face and kissed her softly. I couldn't bear to see her cry, especially when it was my fault.

She kissed back, softly. I felt a pang of guilt, I could have lost this. I could have lost her. I could have lost everything.

She broke off and kissed the tears off my face. I lowered myself to the floor, my hands trailing her arms till they reached hers. I held her hands and sobbed into my knees.

She lowered herself and wrapped her arms around me, "It's okay Erifin, it's okay it's over now you're okay."

I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I hadn't let myself cry the entire time I was in the hospital. I hadn't let it happen.

I hadn't cried when they told me my father was in police custody, I didn't cry when they told me that they might send me to a residential facility, I didn't cry when I was so low and I wished I had died.

I didn't cry at all.

But now now, I sobbed and screamed. I couldn't stop for over an hour.

When I finally came back down Feferi was holding me and whispering in my ears to let it out.

I looked up at her, "I'm so sorry…" She kissed me to shut me up.

"Like I've said before, as long as you don't do it again then it's okay," she kissed my face over and over.

I reached my hand up and guided her lips back to mine and kissed her almost needily, starved for the intimacy that I had been denied for the last three months by my own doing.

She gave me the passion I had been searching for, and it set electricity to my spine.

She pulled me up and led me to my bed. I sat on the edge and she straddled me, kissing my neck almost desperately.

I tilted my head back and let her do as she wished. After having not seen each other for almost three months, after having not felt each other's touch for three months, it was setting my insides on fire to feel her now.

She pushed me onto my back and leaned onto me, kissing my lips passionately.

I tangled one hand in her hair and held another hand on her lower back, returning the kiss.

We both groaned loudly when my phone started ringing.

She rolled off me and I pulled my phone out of my pocket and answered it, "This better be important."

Kankri's mildly irritated voice came through the phone, "I am deeply sorry for interrupting whatever it was you two were doing, but I must inform you that I found Cronus in his apartment passed out drunk on the couch."

I paled, "W-What?"

"We had made plans to get together tonight and I found him like that. I have his spare key."

I sighed, "You guys are picking me up tomorrow right? I can talk to him then."

"Yes we are to pick you up tomorrow afternoon. Needless to say I will be the one driving," Kankri sighed.

"Just, Kan? I don't know-w if you've been around him w-while he's been drunk but please be careful…"

"I have Eridan, but thank you for your concern. I will see you tomorrow afternoon," he hung up.

I sighed, Cronus was doing so well with being sober.

"Cronus fall off the wagon?" she asked, looking sad.

I nodded, "Kan found him."

She sighed, "We were so proud of him when he was doing so well that he got out of rehab quickly, and that he stayed sober the entire time you were in the hospital…"

I nodded, "I was proud of him too. But relapse is part of recovery, I mean, look at me I've relapsed so many times…"

Her gaze fell from mine, "Yeah, I know."

I held her hand, "I'm sorry…"

She shook her head and bit her lip, "It's not that, it's just… I wish I could have been as good as you guys have been…"

My face fell, "How-w bad?"

She pulled her skirt up, and I was not prepared at all for what I saw.

There was the usual lines and lines of red lines across her thighs, but the words she had carved into them, the words.

"Failure"

"Not enough"

"Useless"

"Worthless"

I ran my fingers lightly over them, my vision blurring with tears.

"Erifin…" she started but I held up my hand.

I leaned over and kisses the scars on her legs. I kissed the cuts, the scars, and the scabbed over wounds.

I sat up, tears streaming down and falling from my face.

She looked up at me and burst into a sob. I pulled her into my arms and let her cry into my shoulders.

"It's okay lovely it's okay," I murmured to her and rubbed her back.

She pulled back and pressed her lips to mine, still crying. I was too for that matter.

We moved our mouths together in mutual sadness. Slowly but surely clothes slid off and things progressed in a slow but comforting fashion.

When it was over I laid next to her and held her as she slept before blessed sleep finally came to claim me.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Feferi decided she was going to take a semester off also to dedicate to her mental health.

We sat in the back of Kankri's car, fingers intertwined, talking to Cronus about why he fell off the wagon.

"It's just… I don't know. I found one of my old stashes that I forgot about and I was half awake…" his voice was miserable.

"I understand Cro. Have you dumped that stash?"

"I drank it all chief, and Kankri looked everywhere in my apartment for more."

Suddenly it dawned on me, "I thought you were living at home before dad got arrested?"

"I moved out while you were in the hospital and we weren't aware of it, Kankri can vouch for me on that."

Kan nodded, "He moved into his own apartment shortly before he called you and told you that he was going into rehab. I was in the room when he made the call."

I nodded, "Alright then."

We spent the whole three hour drive chatting idly. We were all going to be staying at Cronus and Kankri's apartment (Kankri moving in this weekend, and it was Thursday) until we went back to school and when we weren't in school for breaks and such.

We arrived, and on the way up to the fourth floor, we ran into someone I haven't seen in months.

Sollux Captor.

"Well, look who it fucking is," Sollux drawled. "Eridan fucking Ampora, Feferi fucking Peixes, Cronus fucking Ampora, and Kankri fucking Vantas."

"Sollux, watch your language," Kankri said sternly.

"Shut up, I'll say what I want to say and I've got a few choice words for the younger Ampora."

"Are you drunk Sollux?" Feferi asked, her voice timid.

"Yup, he's drunk," Cronus yawned.

"So what if I've had a few drinks FF," he slurred. "You know you loved it when I was drunk."

"No Sollux I hated it when you were drunk."

"Just like you pretend to hate me because I hurt your boyfriend?"

Cronus' face contorted in rage, "So you are the one who attacked my brother. I know I'm not much better but the only one who can mess with him is me, even if I regret most of what I've done."

"What on earth are you talking about?" he slurred. "I have no idea what you've done to him but if it hurt him I really hope it fucking hurt."

"Language!" Kankri snapped. "And that is incredibly inappropriate!"

"Shut up KK's brother!" Sollux snapped.

"Don't you dare talk to him like that!" Cronus roared, taking a step forward.

And suddenly I was no longer in the hallway on the fourth floor, I was in our father's house in his room, backed against a wall as a drunken Cronus advanced on me.

I shook my head to clear it, and everyone was still yelling at each other.

"All a' ya, enough!" I yelled. Everyone fell silent.

"Sollux go back ta' your apartment," I said through clenched teeth. "Guys lets go."

Sollux rolled his eyes, "And who says you get to make the rules fishdick?"

"Enough! You are not going to insult my brother anymore!" Cronus stepped forward, his fist pulled back, but Kankri grabbed his arm and yelled, "No Cronus! Violence will solve nothing!"

Kan proved to be stronger than any of us thought because he managed to pull Cronus in a rage back and stand in front of him, holding him by the shoulders.

"Sol just go," I growled at him.

He rolled his eyes and walked off.

Cronus was growling and panting from rage when I stepped over by him, standing beside Kankri, "Cro calm down he's gone."

Feferi, who mostly had stood off to the side, stepped to Kankri's other side, "Please, it's okay now."

Cronus slowly but surely calmed down, "I need a cigarette."

Sure enough when we got into their apartment he lit up, much to Kankri's distaste. Cronus sat on the couch with one elbow on his knee holding his head up while the other held his cigarette.

Kankri walked over by him and sat down next to him, "Are you alright Cronus?"

He shook his head, "I almost… It's like I saw myself in him… I got so angry… He hurt my brother just like I did…."

Feferi had gone into the spare bedroom to put our stuff down, and I had gone into the kitchen that was adjoined to the living room to put some food together, but I put everything down and walked over to my brother and sat next to him.

He took a drag off his cigarette and exhaled it through his nose. Kankri put a hand on his shoulder, "You saw the part of you that you loathe in him, and yes he hurt your brother, but what you need to do is to learn to control your anger. Taking out your own self hatred on someone else, no matter how just it may seem, is not the answer."

Cronus sighed, "He hurt my brother doll, I can't just let that go, but what right do I have to hurt someone who hurt him, when I've hurt him."

I turned to face him, "Cro, what he did and what you did are two completely different things. However, you do need ta' keep your anger under control. Violence is only the answer when it is in self defense."

Cronus finished his cigarette and put it out on an ashtray on the table, "I know, I'm usually not a violent guy anymore since I quit drinking and all, but I don't know what came over me… Maybe it was the internal self loathing…"

Kankri hugged him, "Then you need to work on your self loathing so you do not react that way again when you see Sollux. I assume he lives in this building so we will probably see him quite a lot."

Cronus groaned, "And beating him whenever I see him isn't an option." We both nodded.

Feferi came out of the spare room, looking tired and sad. I got up and gave her a hug, and she held tightly onto me.

"What's wrong?" I murmured into her hair.

"I knew Sollux lived in this building, I was just hoping we wouldn't have seen him let alone fight with him…" she looked up at me, her eyes shining.

I kissed her forehead quickly, very well knowing that Kankri would yell at us for being triggering if I actually kissed her, "He's gone now love. Hopefully we won't see him any time soon either."

She nodded and I kissed her real quick.

"My apologies but I will have to ask you to refrain from such triggering behav-" Kankri attempted to say before Cronus kissed him to shut him up.

I snickered at the look on Kankri's face, which was a mix of horror and surprise for moments before his eyes fluttered shut and he kissed him back.

"If I have ta' watch my brother kissing his man for more than a few seconds I might actually become a little triggered there Kan," I chuckled.

Kankri pulled off, "Trigger warning, inappropriate hand gestures." He flipped me off. Cronus, Fef, and I started laughing.

Kankri's face flushed a bright red, "Stop laughing, I find it to be triggering and-"

"Kankri, you know I love you, but shh we're not laughing at you we're laughing at how out of character you just acted," Cronus turned his boyfriend's head so they were facing each other.

Kankri sighed, "I guess you are right that was something I would not normally do."

Feferi giggled, "It was shorely interesting to see Kankri."

Everyone's gaze snapped to the door when we heard a knock.

I walked over to the door and looked through the peep hole. It was Karkat. I opened the door, "Hello Kar, what are you doing here?"

"Hey asshole, where's my brother? And my classes for today and tomorrow got canceled so I'm home for the weekend."

Kankri sighed, "Karkat language."

Karkat groaned, "Kankri, Mom wants to talk to you. Said it was important."

Kankri sighed again, "I have a feeling that word may have reached my mother that I am not straight."

Cronus wrapped an arm around his shoulder and leaned into him, "Do you want me to come with you doll?"

He shook his head, "I think it would be best if I did this on my own. I am moving in here soon anyway. I'll be back soon."

Cronus nodded, worry crossing his face. Kankri got up, looking like a sheep about to be lead to the slaughter, and followed his brother out of the apartment.

I shut the door behind him and sighed. I hope their mom takes things better than our dad did.

We waited in a tense silence save for the clang of pots and pans as Fef and I made dinner.

Around seven, two hours later, the front door swung open, Kankri rushed through it, slammed the door shut, and leaned against the wall for a moment before sliding down it, crying.

Cronus was at his side in an instant, "Doll what happened? Come on talk to me."

Kankri wrapped his arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. I have literally never seen Kankri so upset, not even when Cronus was in the hospital from alcohol withdrawal.

"My… mother… told me… that… I will… go to Hell… and… I am… no longer… welcome… to address her… as my mother… my brother is gay too… I fear for Mother finding out… and kicking him out…" he managed to choke out between sobs.

Cronus hugged him and rubbed his back, shooshing him, "Shhh it's okay, it's okay. Do you want me to go give her a few words?"

Kankri shook his head, "No.. that… would only… make… things worse…"

I exchanged a look with Feferi. We would never have this problem, so we couldn't imagine what it would be like to have your family hate you based solely on the fact that you love someone. These two have been together for almost seven years now despite losing each other's families, Cronus' drinking problem, and Kankri's constant triggers.

Before I knew was I was doing I was hugging Feferi. I hope that we can still be going strong after seven years despite everything,

I really do.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

A few weeks later, I woke up to Cronus' alarm going off in the room next door. Today was Kankri's first day of work at the library down the street, and Cronus worked at the local garage across town at the same time.

I buried my face in her Feferi's hair and tried to go back to sleep. She had gotten used to sleeping through it, but I still couldn't manage to sleep through it.

I groaned, when it didn't turn off right away, and sighed when it finally did.

Feferi rolled over and buried her face in my chest in her sleep. I nuzzled my face in her hair and started dozing.

I woke back up when I realized it was going to be one of those mornings when it was painfully obvious that Kankri broke his vow of celibacy a long time ago.

I groaned and pulled the blanket over my head. Feferi leaned her head back and muttered something about them being loud.

I sighed and kissed her forehead, "Well good mornin' love."

She looked up, looking tired and slightly annoyed, "Morning Erifin."

She yawned and nuzzled her head against my throat and tried to go back to sleep.

When they finally quieted down, I chuckled a little bit. Cronus had mentioned the other day that we were loud, we have nothing on how loud they are.

It was almost weird how comfortably, well, open we were about our sex lives with each other. I mean we didn't go into details, but Cronus and I made snide comments to each other about what the other heard.

Feferi curled up tighter against my chest and sighed in her sleep. Lucky, I couldn't sleep.

I heard them stumble around the bedroom to get dressed and such. I knew better than to go in there any time of the day let alone first thing in the morning or late at night.

They knew the same rule applied to our room.

I traced circles on her shoulders as she slept, dozing slightly. I heard a thump and I woke again. It came from the bathroom. They were really not going to stop today.

Feferi stirred again, mumbling something incoherent. She nuzzled my neck again, and her breathing evened out again. Lucky, I didn't want to hear my brother get off again.

After a while the sounds at the end of the hall stopped.

I groaned in irritation and started dozing again. This time I was woken up by Feferi poking my forehead.

"Morning sleepyhead. Don't you have to work later today?" she mumbled.

I groaned, I had gotten a job at the aquarium yesterday, and I started training today at 4.

"Not till this afternoon," I mumbled.

"Have you slept at all?"

I didn't say anything. Lately I hadn't been sleeping well, sometimes waking up screaming or waking up in the fetal position after a nightmare.

All of them had to do with Cronus and my father's beatings.

Feferi was getting worried, and more than once Cronus and Kankri have both scrambled into our room to see why I was screaming. They were worried too.

Last night, thankfully, I hadn't woken anyone up.

"Erifin?" Feferi gave me a worried look.

I shook my head, "I didn't sleep much no."

She frowned, "I'm sorry Erifin, is there anything I can try to do?"

I shook my head again, "No, I think I'm just gonna have ta' talk to my doctor about it or I'll just have ta' deal with it."

She nodded and buried her face in my neck again. I sighed into her hair, I hated worrying her.

We laid there, tangled up with each other, for another hour. We heard Cro and Kan leave, and after that we finally got up.

I walked into the kitchen to find a note on the table, "Eridan, Sorry bout all the noise chief -Cronus"

I chuckled and threw it out. Feferi walked into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes against all the light.

I made us breakfast, and the day went about as normal. I went to my new job, and it was rather fascinating.

I always had a fascination with fish and other marine life. I loved to go fishing with my father and Cronus as a child, but I haven't gone since I was 12.

Feferi hated fishing. She loved the marine life so much that she didn't want anyone killing what she called the most beautiful creatures in the world.

They really were lovely creatures, so maybe she was right.

I got home and fell face first on the bed. Cronus and Kankri were curled up on the couch watching the news, Kankri pale at the images of the war.

Feferi was asleep, which didn't surprise me since it was almost eleven at night. I got up, quickly changed into sleep clothes, curled up next to her, and fell asleep, praying that I would sleep without nightmares.

~====3====~

I knocked on Cronus' door. He had asked me to come in, said he had something to show me. Father wasn't home.

"Come on in chief," he slurred, yelling louder the necessary.

I opened the door and nearly fell to my knees.

Kan and Fef were tied neatly to chairs. Father and Cronus were in there. Father's eyes were glazed in rage, and Cronus' were from the alcohol.

"W-What on Earth…" I tried to say, fear spiking in my veins.

Father stood behind Kankri, and Cronus behind Feferi.

"Guys… w-what are you doin'?"

Neither of them said a word. They both stepped forward in unison and put a hand on the top of their heads and a hand on their chins.

"Guys…?" Panic rose in my chest as I realized what they were doing.

Both of them screamed, "Why can't you help us?" as Father and Cronus snapped their necks.

~====3====~

I bolted upright screaming myself, and the rest of the apartment, awake.

"Eridan!" Feferi wrapped her arms around me and rocked. "It's okay it was just a dream!"

My voice gave out and I crumpled, sobbing.

Kankri was the first one through the door, "Eridan are you alright?"

Cronus was at the door shortly thereafter, "Another nightmare chief?"

I nodded and sobbed into Feferi's arm.

"Shhhh… it's okay, it's okay." Feferi rocked us both.

"No.. it's not…" I sobbed. "I saw you and Kankri die... Father snapped his neck and Cronus snapped yours…."

Cronus winced and Kankri walked over and sat next to me, "It was just a dream Eridan. Is there something that is deeply troubling you that may be causing these dreams to haunt you?"

"This was the… first time… I've had this dream…" I sobbed. "Usually.. they're flashbacks… in dreams…"

Cronus winced again.

"Your subconscious is most likely taking the trauma you have been through and twisting it into your fears. You are afraid that your father will hurt me, and you are afraid that Cronus will hurt Feferi. Am I correct?" Kankri asked.

I thought for a moment before realize he was right. I nodded slowly. Cronus stared at the floor as he said, "I would never hurt any of you, that's not me anymore…"

I nodded slowly, not able to look at him, "I know Cronus, but tell my subconscious that."

I heard him sniff, and I looked over at him. Kankri was already half way across the room when I noticed Cronus was crying.

I made my brother cry.

I gently unhooked Feferi's arms from around my torso and got up. Kankri had his arms wrapped around Cronus and he was crying into his shoulder, which was covered in his trademark red sweater.

As I approached Kankri looked over at me and hesitantly let go of him.

I stopped in front of Cronus, who looked me straight in the eyes as he cried. '

I could have done a lot of things just then. I could have punched him, I could have taken out all the built up anger and fear that I had for him on him. But I chose to do none of that.

No, instead of hurting him, I hugged him.

He tensed for a second before returning the hug, burying his face into my shoulder and crying.

~====3====~

I slept easier after that. I woke up a few days later curled around Feferi in a protective hold, who was already awake.

"Mornin' love," I mumbled into her hair.

"Mornin'," she mumbled, sounding tired.

I didn't have to work today, it was Sunday. Cronus and Kankri had the day off also.

We got up and started the day, I made her breakfast. Cronus and Kankri were still asleep.

I went to the store and when I came back, Cronus and Kankri were still asleep and Feferi was pacing, looking like she just got out of the shower.

"Something wrong Fef?" I asked, worrying a bit.

She shook her head, "It's probably nothing, I'm fine."

"If you say so love…"

She smiled, stress and worry lining her face.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

A/N: this is inspired by a RP I was in once that was really interesting, but very different from this, and some of the young women I know that are so strong for going through something like this. I have not personally, but I know people who have. This is to them.

Her worry was turning into panic, and it was obvious.

She was also starting to look ill, which wasn't good.

I woke up one morning, and she was still asleep. Her face was pale, and she was completely and utterly asleep.

She had been sleeping a lot lately. I'd come home from work and she'd be passed out on the couch. When she was awake she was pacing, especially first thing in the morning.

She was restless, and she was popping antacid like it was candy. I offered her some of my extra Xanax, but she refused.

Every time I asked her what was wrong, she'd say it was nothing.

Cronus even tried asking, and she said she was fine.

It wasn't until Kankri, Cronus, and I cornered her one morning that she finally admitted to her anxiety.

"Feferi, something is obviously bothering you and I hate to interrupt your pacing to ask you this, but you're going to worry Eridan into a grave if you do not tell us what is wrong," Kankri urged.

Cronus sighed, "Seriously, have you seen how much Xanax he's been popping lately?"

I winced, I was hoping no one had noticed. Seeing her panic was raising my anxiety to new heights, especially not knowing what was wrong.

"It's probably nothing…" she started, but I cut her off, "No, it's obviously somethin' Fef otherwise you wouldn't be panickin' like this,"

She sighed, "I haven't been feeling good, at all, and, cod this is so awkward to say to a bunch of guys, but it's the end of the month and…"

I felt all the blood leave my face, and the room spun.

"W-What?" I managed to say.

She stared at the floor, "It's probably just late that's all…"

Kankri shook his head, "If you do not get it before next week you should get yourself tested especially if you are not feeling well."

I held up one finger and turned and practically ran to the bathroom, where I kept my Xanax.

I took a double dose.

I turned around after taking them to find Fef standing there, her eyes watering.

"Oh love, I'm so sorry…" I pulled her into my arms.

She cried into my shirt, "It's not your fault…"

"I'm sorry I took off like that, I think I'm a little too dependant on these pills…"

She looked up at me, "It's not that.. I'm just scared that's all. That's why I've been pacing so much, I don't know what else to do… How do you deal with being afraid all the time Erifin?"

I rested my head against hers, "If you couldn't tell, I don't really deal with it I just take pills to numb it."

She sighed, "Yeah, I know.

It was the last day of the month, and I took off from work so I could try to help her relax. We watched movies, cuddled on the couch, and talked about the different marine life that was at the aquarium.

A week later, I came home to find that Fef had locked herself in the bathroom.

I knocked, "Fef? It's me, what's goin' on?"

"I'm not letting you in Erifin."

"Why?"

"Cause I'm not letting anyone in."

I sighed, "Can you at least tell me why you're in there?"

"I did as Kankri told me to…"

Anxiety clawed its way up my throat, "Okay… Did you get a favorable result?"

Silence.

With each passing second of silence, my anxiety turned to panic. Oh cod, oh cod, oh cod.

"Fef…?" my voice shook.

More silence.

I heard the door unlock and it opened. She stood in the doorway, tears falling freely from her eyes.

I pulled her into my arms and let her cry. She slowly cried harder and harder until she was screaming. I buried my face in her hair and rubbed her back.

Cronus and Kankri ran over when they got home from work, asking what was wrong, but I just shook my head and mouthed, "I'll tell you later."

After about an hour, I gently picked her up and carried her to our room. I rested her on the bed and sat next to her, holding her. I'm not sure when it happened, but I started crying too.

We fell back, holding each other, until we fell asleep.

~====3====~

We walked out of the doctor's office with paperwork and a prescription for vitamins she would need to take that were stronger than the ones in stores because of lack of nutrients in her body. She didn't eat a lot normally, except for recently.

Her phone rang, it was her mom.

I paled, she was going to tell her mom and sister today.

They were going to kill me.

"Hey mom…" she answered.

"Yeah I just got out of the doctor's office."

"Well, they say I'm doing okay, but there's something I need to tell you…"

"Um, well, there's no easy way to say this but… Cod why is this so hard…"

"Actually, yeah Mom, I am."

"Yeah, Eridan's. Don't blame him though, he didn't know."

"Yeah we were, something must have broke without us noticing."

"Yeah Mom, it'll be okay. I just got hired at the local homeless shelter as an advocate, so I'll have some income coming in."

"No I'm not coming home for this, we'll be fine. Eridan has a job too, he works at the aquarium. Yeah he helps care for the fish, he just got a raise not too long ago too."

"Yeah, I'll let you know if we need any help. Thank you for being so understanding about this Mom."

"Meenah? Um, can you tell her?"

"Oh, okay. Hey Meenah."

"Did you hear from Mom?"

"...Yeah. Please don't hurt him."

I heard Meenah yelling from the other line, "You bet your bass I'm gonna hurt him!"

"Meenah, don't. Please?"

"Yeah fine, okay here's Eridan."

I sighed when she handed me the phone, "Hello Meenah."

"I'm gonna fillet you Eridan. How dare you do that to my sister!" she yelled.

"Hey I wasn't aware that this would happen!" I said indignantly.

"What else does sex do you idiot!? Jegus Fish, didn't you take sex ed in high school?"

I groaned, "I did, and we were being safe I don't know how this happened."

"It's called did you check to see if it ripped when you were done?"

I swallowed, I never did.

"I take the silence as you didn't. You idiot if you had known it was ripped then you could have gotten that one morning after pill and she would be fine!"

"I get it, I made a mistake and this is my fault, are you done?" Fef made a face at that.

"I'm not done with you, when I see you next I'm gonna give you a black eye. When I see my niece or nephew I may spare you. If I don't kill you before they are born."

I sighed, "I understand Meenah."

"Give the phone back to my sister."

I did so.

"You didn't need to be a total beach Meenah," Feferi groaned into the phone.

"Yeah, I know you're mad."

She sighed.

"Are we done? We have to go to the store and the pharmacy."

"I guess we could stop by later. Eridan has to work at 4 though."

"Yeah we can stop by around noon that's fine."

"Don't kill him Meenah!"

"I'm serious."

"Okay, bye," she hung up.

She hugged me, "It's not your fault okay, don't think it is."

I sighed, "Kinda is."

She looked up at me, "No it's not, you didn't know. It was accidental, that's all."

Later that day we pulled up into the Pexies driveway with Cronus and Kankri.

I would have been lying if I said I wasn't terrified.

We walked up and Feferi searched through her bag for her keys, but that proved to be unnecessary because Meenah opened the door.

"Where is that son of a beach?" She yelled.

I had been standing behind Cronus, and he crossed his arms, "You're not gonna hurt my brother for a mistake."

"He got my sister pregnant I think I have the right to hit him at least once."

I sighed, stepped around my brother, and walked up in front of her, "Do your worst, it's not like I'm not used to getting beat on."

No one said anything. Meenah smacked me across the face, breaking the silence.

I muttered a few curse words under my breath so Kankri wouldn't hear, but turned my head to face her again, "Happy now?"

"No, and I should beat you bloody for this but that would distress her, and I don't want that."

I nodded slowly, "Okay then. Can we come in then?"

She nodded and we walked into the house.

Ms. Peixes always scared me, she ruled their house with an iron fist and she had threatened multiple times that if something like this happened I was as good as dead. She also said that if I hurt her that she'd kill me too.

She stood in the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest. I fell behind Cronus and Kankri and walked next to Feferi, I didn't want to be the first person to walk into her kitchen. A month ago I would have and she would have greeted me and asked if I wanted something since she was always baking, Betty Crocker being her favorite brand, but not today. She stood there with a stern look on her face.

Cronus and Kankri stepped aside and Feferi grabbed my hand and squeezed.

"Hello. Eridan come here," she uncrossed her arm. I had a feeling I was going to get smacked again.

I swallowed hard and walked over, stopping right in front of her.

She smacked me, hard, "That was for what you did to my daughter, and you're not underage so I can do that."

Then, unexpectedly, she hugged me, "That is for not taking off on her, like many boys would do."

I stood there, blinking, for a moment before tentatively hugging her back. She let go and I went back to stand by Feferi.

"Feferi, darling, come here,"

Fef walked over nervously, and her mom pulled her into her arms and hugged her much tighter than she did to me. That was to be expected, Fef was her daughter after all.

Ms. Peixes let go of Feferi and was saying something to her that I could not hear. Feferi nodded and walked back over by me.

"Alright, does anyone want some food? I'm starving and I need to make some stuff," she ran a hand through her thick reddish black hair.

Everyone nodded and she ushered us into the living room so she could cook.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The next several months seem to go by quickly in a flurry of doctors appointments, planning, buying stuff, and more planning.

There were days when I'd be pacing back and forth pulling my hair out from the stress of it all, and I wasn't the one carrying her.

Yeah, she was a her. Feferi likes the name Erika, I like it as well. I offered the middle name Francesca. Her first name starts with an E, like mine, so her middle name should start with an F, like her mother's.

When Feferi was 6 months along, we moved into our own apartment in the same building. Cronus and Kankri stopped by almost daily.

I was currently trying to find my alarm clock to turn it off. Fef was stirring, and she had been so tired lately. She didn't have to work till later, even though I have been telling her she should go on maternity leave now.

We were both 19 now, nearing 20. It was November already, we hadn't gone back to school yet so we were still at home working and getting ready.

And planning, so much planning.

I found the alarm clock and hit the off button. Feferi slowly rolled over to face me, her eyes blinking with sleep, "Mornin'."

"Mornin' love, how are you feelin'?"

"Tired, how are you?"

"I can't complain about bein' tired cause you're tireder than me," I chuckled.

She shrugged and leaned forward just enough to kiss my nose. I smiled as she poked my forehead with her left hand, a shiny silver band with an amethyst stone in the middle on her ring finger reflecting the light from the window.

It might have been a bit early, but I have loved her for almost 6 years now and I knew I wanted to make her mine for all this time. I got it for her a month ago, and she agreed without a moments hesitation.

We were a tad young, but events made it so that we had to grow up fast. I was a supervisor at the aquarium now, and she was one of the lead advocates at the shelter, so we were making decent wages. I was starting to wonder if I even wanted to go back to school.

I traced circles on her stomach, which had gotten rather big. I felt Erika move.

We already had our schedules arranged to where I was working during the day and then she was working at night, that way if one of us is at work, the other is at home taking care of Erika.

I work 8AM to 4PM, and she works 5PM to 11PM. I didn't like her working right now, especially with how tired she's been, and I didn't like not seeing her very much, but there was nothing I could do about that.

I groaned when my second alarm went off, it was time for work.

She sighed, "Go on, have fun helping with the fishes. I'm going to go back to sleep."

"Sleep well love, Cronus said he'd stop by later to see how you're doing since he has the day off," I kissed her nose and got up, showered, ate a quick breakfast, and headed to work.

Around three, I got a phone call from Cronus.

"Cro, I'm at work," my boss was giving me a look, but he knew Feferi was with child so he was more lenient about me being on my phone.

"Yeah I know chief, but you're gonna wanna leave and come here cause well yeah, you know why," Cronus actually sounded nervous.

Anxiety and excitement flooded my veins, "She's not due for another w-week though, are you sayin' she's a bit early?"

"Yes chief, now get the hell out of work and get your ass over here. She's pissed and in pain." I faintly heard Kankri yell about his language.

"W-Will do, see you soon," I hung up, turned to my boss, and before a word came out of my mouth he said, "Go, it's completely fine."

"Thank you!" I said, turning on one heel, and hurrying to get my stuff and to drive out to the hospital.

~====3====~

28 hours later, Erika was a sleeping, warm bundle of life. She was completely healthy, and her mom was good as well.

I sat next to them in a chair next to her bed. Feferi was dozing off, but was holding her.

I held her once, and I was smiling so big my face hurt. She was lovely, looked like the splitting image of her mother when she was a child, only with my blue eyes instead of her sea green ones. She also had my black hair.

Feferi looked over at me, "You're all smiley again, what are you thinking about?"

"I was just thinkin' bout how she's just as beautiful as her mom."

She smiled and stuck her tongue out, "She's a million times more beautiful than I am Erifin."

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and Erika looks just like you," I was smiling so big my face hurt again.

She had a giddy grin on her face, "Well thank you Erifin."

I got up and kissed her forehead, "Any time love, do you want me to take her so you can sleep?"

She nodded and passed her off to me. She was so small and fragile, but warm. I sat in the chair and held her, smiling.

She was born on November 15th, a full week early, at 5:25 at night. It was currently 7:30PM.

I took my paternity leave, so I didn't have to be at work for a month, so I could help take care of her and Fef.

Feferi was out cold in a few minutes, snoring softly.

Cronus walked in, rather loudly, with Kankri. I shushed them both, "Shh, both of them are sleeping!"

They covered their mouths and quietly apologized.

Kankri walked over and kneeled by me and Erika, "Hello Erika, I am Kankri."

Cronus chuckled softly, "She can't understand you doll."

Kankri shot him a look, "Quiet, I can talk to her even though she cannot understand me Cronus."

Cronus chuckled again.

"Sh! Both of you they are sleeping!" I hissed.

They both covered their mouths.

I smiled at the look on their faces.

Kankri reached over and smoothed down the little bit of dark hair on Erika's hair head and whispered, "She's beautiful Eridan."

I nodded, "I'd die for her and her mother."

Cronus kneeled next to his boyfriend, "I know you would chief, you've always been protective of Feferi, I couldn't imagine you being any different for your daughter."

I smiled at him, "Exactly."

Feferi stirred and rolled over onto her side to look at us, "Well if it isn't my favorite couple besides Erifin and myself."

Cronus laughed, "How are you doing there Feferi?"

"Tired like you wouldn't believe."

Kankri nodded, "That is to be expected, you just gave birth after all Feferi. Unfortunately I was too young when Karkat was born so I am not aware of the proper aftercare for new mothers."

Feferi giggled, "The doctors will tell us don't worry yourself."

She sat up and reached for Erika, and I carefully and cautiously handed her to her."

Erika blinked her eyes open, she had my slate grey eyes.

"Oh my cod her eyes are lovely, just like her father's," Feferi whispered. I kissed her cheek real quick, this was truly a wonderful thing.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Feferi and I's wedding had been wonderful, I almost cried seeing her walk down the aisle. She was, and still is, so beautiful.

Her dress was pure white with a silver tone to it with white flowers across the one strap on it. There was a white sash around her waist as well.

Her hair had been pinned up and her curly, long dark hair fell across her shoulders. She refused to wear a lot of makeup, like always, and contented herself to a little fuchsia eyeshadow, a little eyeliner, and fuschia lipstick.

She was so beautiful I could have cried, and I almost did. Instead I simply had held my hand over my mouth.

I wore a simple dark grey tux with a violet tie to match the streak in my hair.

Erika was one year old when Feferi and I married on March 21st 2014. Erika had been born on February 18th 2013.

Today was April 30th 2016. Erika was three, and Fef and I were 23.

There was a community college in town and Feferi was taking classes during the day for her CNA. She decided she wants to help people, so she's going to start school to become an RN. She wanted to work in in the local mental hospital.

I was one of the managers of the aquarium now, and made a decent wage. We lived in the same apartment not too far down the hall from Cronus and Kankri, who were getting married today.

I was straightening my tie, which was fuchia like Feferi's dress, when Cronus walked in, looking nervous.

"Hey there chief…" he said, trailing off.

I turned to face him so I wasn't looking at him through the mirror, "Hey Cro, why so nervous?"

He rolled his eyes, "Like you weren't nervous before your wedding chief, you were pacing back here all damn day."

I chuckled, "Yeah I know."

Nervousness crossed over his face again, "Do I look okay brother?"

I looked him over. He had a dark grey suit with a violet tie, as I had, with the Aquarius symbol on his tie. His hair was slicked back as it always was, and he had his souble scar on his head covered up.

"Why'd you cover up your scars Cro?" I asked.

He chewed his lip, "I figured covering them up would be a good idea. I don't want people staring at them or anything, especially with Kankri there. Everybody should focus on him you know?"

I sighed, "But what about Kan? Those scars are apart of you, so Kank would want to see you as you are, scars and all."

He nodded slowly, "Alright, thank you chief."

I nodded, "No problem Cro, other than that you look fine."

He flashed his trademark grin, "Don't I always?"

I rolled my eyes and he walked over to the sink to wash his face.

~====3====~

I walked over and sat next to Feferi and Erika, who was fussing with her dress.

"Erika, stop," Feferi scolded, but she was holding back a laugh. Erika was tugging and fiddling with the lace at the end of her violet and white dress. She took a liking to the color purple and liked all shades of it.

"But Mama," she whined. "It feels funny!"

I chuckled, "Truth be told, so does wearing this kiddo."

Feferi shot me a lighthearted look and shushed us, for the ceremony was starting.

Kankri and Cronus stood at the altar and said their vows. The entire room, which mostly contained friends, was quiet until they kissed, in which everyone cheered.

Later, at the reception, I was sitting with my family, which now included Kankri and his grumpy brother Karkat. His boyfriend, Gamzee, had also came. He seemed very, well, intoxicated, for an alcohol and drug free reception, but Karkat had assured me ahead of time that it was best that he was stoned than sober.

We all drank our sodas and ate great food. We laughed at jokes and toasted to Kankri and Cronus' marriage.

Cronus announced that they had decided recently to adopt a child of their own. Erika got really excited at the prospect of having a cousin.

Karkat had graduated from college with a degree in Computer Science with a Political Science double major. He aspires to cod viruses in his free time and run for public office.

Later that evening we got home, Erika fast asleep in my arms, and Cronus, being the ever romantic, picked up Kankri and carried him into their apartment. They left for their honeymoon tomorrow.

I walked into our apartment with Feferi and laid Erika in her bed.

Feferi changed into sleep clothes and crawled into bed.

"I'm really happy for them," she murmured in my ear.

I nodded tiredly, "I really hope they do good in life."

She nodded and we curled up together and fell asleep.

~====3====~

Cronus and Kankri ended up adopting fraternal twins Vanessa and Joel at age 5 when Erika was 5.

Feferi got her RN license and works at the local mental hospital. I now help run the aquarium.

Life is pretty good, Feferi and I are now 33 and Erika, Vanessa, and Joel are all graduating high school next week. Erika is going to college for Psychology and Social Work at the same college Feferi and I attended.

Joel is going into Criminal Justice, and Vanessa was going into Cosmetology.

A week from now I will rise with Feferi, Cronus, Kankri, and the rest of the parents at the high school as our kids walk across the stage and get their diplomas and we will think to ourselves that this is truly a wonderful thing.


End file.
